My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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