Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
