It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
