Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
