guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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