I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
