the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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