I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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