my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
