That's when you crack a 10am beer
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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