No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
