I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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