yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sext me about skeletons
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
