Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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