If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
