Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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