and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
