Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
