I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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