I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
