I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
