bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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