When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
