just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
