Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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