i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
