you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Randomize
