Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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