First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
