I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
