sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
