That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
