Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
