Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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