but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
