She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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