They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
