Can i not drive my cunt home
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
