It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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