ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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