No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
