take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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