The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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