This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
