3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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