....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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