This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
