Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
