I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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