I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
